I'm pregnant....! Second of three updates....

Yeah. I'm pregnant. Despite what one of my last journals said I was not going to commit suicide I know it was "wrong" but I just gave the impression I was to get the bullies off of my back...... Because I had no intention of coming back. I'm sorry if anyone actually thought I was..... At the time I didn't care what anyone thought..... And apparently because of my hormone levels everything seemed a lot worse than it was....



The reason I made a journal saying that "it hurts"..... Is because I almost went into labor...... I'm not very far along I don't think. When my fiancé got home, to surprise me which was his original intention before that whole mess started on dA.... When he got home he found me almost passed out, and bleeding a bit... He rushed me to the hospital, when i came to I was in a room in the ER.....


The doctor told us I was lucky. I almost lost the baby. And that I almost went into early labor..... That that was what caused the pain and the blood..... The doctors saved us, the baby and I. But my hero is my fiancé. The reason I haven't been back since then is the doctor said I needed to rest, that the stress of what happened here is what caused me to almost go into labor. That I needed a break. And my fiancé wanted me to take a break too...... The reason he only gave everyone vague updates is I didn't want anyone to know I was pregnant unless I actually came back......


So I'm pregnant and my fiancé is still here with me thankfully. And he'd taken about a month or so off of work to spend with me for my birthday.....


He's saying he's going to start planning a few things once he goes back. And that maybe we will have a house together soon. If my family will let me leave.....


So I'm also not going to an obgyn or a doctor...... I'm going to a midwifery. I hate doctors. So I haven't been going since the ER visit.


My fiancé has been calling around to find one, and doing research on what to expect with a midwifery and my pregnancy after what happened.


Hopefully we'll find one before he has to go back to work.....



I have no idea how far along I am either.....??



I'm excited, and a bit "muted", mixed feelings I guess.....